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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515486">waking up to kiss you (but nobody's there)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeecorbyn/pseuds/coffeecorbyn'>coffeecorbyn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Harry Styles, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Domestic Violence, F/M, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, but not rlly, no one dies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:40:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeecorbyn/pseuds/coffeecorbyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>louis and harry had a rough break up. louis realizes how miserable he is without him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Camille Rowe/Harry Styles, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Stan Lucas/Louis Tomlinson (past)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>waking up to kiss you (but nobody's there)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>sorry if this makes you sad. that's kind of the point :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>᯽ louis pov ᯽</p><p>
  <em>a hand wrapped around my throat, constricting my airways. my back slammed against the wall, the back of my head began to ache from the force. i couldn't breathe and this person's hold on me was firm. tears pricked at my eyes while i gasped for air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"please," i begged. "harry, please."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>my face was flushed, feeling it turn blue and purple. harry's green eyes held anger and hatred. a look i never wished to see on him. it was so unlike him too. he'd never hurt a soul. why was he doing this?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>suddenly his face morphed into another familiar face. a face that matches his actions. harry's brown curls turned into shorter brown hair. his green eyes lightened to a shade of hazel. his chiseled face chubbed up a tad and his skin got paler. and then he was stan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>my eyes widened, tears cascaded down my cheeks, my throat was already being grasped tightly but i managed to choke out a sob.</em>
</p><p>i woke up screaming, the noise echoed through the house and my hands flew to my neck to free it from the invisible hand around it. realizing there was no hand, i sobbed, hugging my knees while i buried my face in them. i wanted harry. but he wasn't here. he was at his own flat. with his girlfriend, camille.</p><p>my lungs still ached for air even when there was no one depriving it from me. my thoughts went through a million different things. stan beating me senseless, the scars all over my shoulder from when he shoved me into broken glass, harry saving me, harry loving me, harry telling me he doesn't love me anymore, harry leaving me all alone, harry being happy with camille all over his instagram. he never posted me on his instagram. was i not pretty enough? stan always demolished my self esteem and hurt me beyond repair. harry stopped loving me. was i not good enough? for anyone? camille was model worthy. maybe that's why he posts her. maybe stan was trying to toughen me up. maybe harry realized how damaged i was and decided to leave before i went absolutely bonkers. nobody wants damaged goods.</p><p>without thinking, i grabbed my phone and called harry. i didn't even realize what i was doing until the phone was ringing against my ear. it was useless because he never answered. even after i called him many more times after that. did he hate me that much? it was 3 in the morning. maybe that was it? maybe he was asleep. maybe he was with camille. so many maybes.</p><p>i sent harry a quick text before throwing my phone to the other side of the bed. my brain went to the worst case scenario thinking he ignored my calls. everything in me felt like it was going to shatter and my heart felt like it was ripping to shreds. i had no one to turn to and no one beside me to reassure me.</p><p>i hugged the nearest pillow, pretending it was harry. i pretended my head was on his chest and my arms around his waist. just like how it used to be. i reached for a memory of him holding me, telling me i was safe.</p><p>"hey, boo. don't cry, my love. it was just a dream, you're safe now with me," he had said once upon a time.</p><p>now he's not here when i need him anymore. now i have to fall asleep holding a pillow with tear tracks on my face.</p><p> </p><p>★ ★ ★</p><p> </p><p>᯽ harry's pov ᯽</p><p>i woke up feeling groggy and tired. i kicked camille out last night for just being a pain and talking shit about louis. i may not love him like i used to but i would still defend him til the ends of the earth. but i guess she was calling me all night because my phone wouldn't stop ringing.</p><p>when i decided to finally get out of bed, i checked my phone to see what the hell camille wanted. but what i saw wasn't what i expected.</p><p>
  <em>17 missed calls from Louis Tomlinson</em>
</p><p>why was louis trying to call me? looking further into my notifications, i noticed that louis also texted me. and the text i got was heartbreaking. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>hey haz. it's louis. obviously. i know you might not want to hear from me or don't care but i miss you. and you probably already knew that but i REALLY miss you. i miss you comforting me after nightmares. awful nightmares. and i still get them. they never stopped even when i told you they did. i just wanted you to stop losing sleep to make sure i was okay. it was okay though because you needed sleep. and if i woke up from a nightmare, i'd just hold you a little tighter and you'd return it. but i thought i'd tell you what happened in it like i used to. if you don't care, that's fine you don't have to read it but i thought you should know. you were there. and instead of him, it was you. you were hurting me. and it was terrifying. my god hazza it was awful. then you morphed into him. and that made it better and worse. better because you weren't hurting me anymore. but worse because i had to be face to face with him again. but i woke up screaming and you weren't there to reassure me like you used to. i was cold and sad without you there. i felt like he'd come find me again without you there. he might and i'm still scared. sorry, you don't have to come or anything i was just missing you and thought you should know. sorry for wasting your time, hazza.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>love, lou</em>
</p><p> </p><p>my heart broke in the middle of reading his text. i wasn't there for him when he needed me. i made the impulsive decision to text back without thinking of the words i was typing.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>hey lou. i'm so sorry you had to go through that. i wish i was there to comfort you like before. i wish you didn't have to go through that by yourself. i'm sorry you didn't feel safe. i miss you so much. i don't think we miss each other in the same way, but i miss seeing your face everyday and your sass that hurt my feelings sometimes but you'd reassure me that you were just joking. and then you'd kiss my face until i smiled. i really do miss you, and i dont love you romantically like that and i wish that wasn't the case but unfortunately it is. but i miss my best mate, lou. i miss having my partner in crime by my side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> p.s. i'd never do what stan did. he's a monster for what he did to you and you never deserved it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>before sending the message, my bedroom door slammed open and camille stood there dressed in lingerie. i couldn't take this for granted so i tossed my phone aside and walked over to her, placing my hands on her hips.</p><p>and i didn't realize that i left louis on read.</p><p> </p><p>★ ★ ★</p><p> </p><p>᯽ louis pov ᯽</p><p>i woke up feeling slightly better. <em>slightly</em>. rolling out of bed wasn't too bad but i quickly remembered my actions from last night and wanted to curl into a ball and die. i didn't want to see harry's response but at the same time, i really needed to. </p><p>the phone lit up in my hand, but there was no message from harry. maybe he didn't see it yet. i checked the chat with him and felt my heart drop to the floor when i saw the words:</p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">read at 9:28</span>
  </em>
</p><p>but it’s currently 1:32</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>that was short. oops</p></blockquote></div></div>
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